Darling is a substitue
by Ms.Informed13
Summary: "Replace 'darling' with 'for fuck's sake' in every sentence she said today." Emma said. Ruby was quiet for a moment, mentally revising everything she had just heard, until a surprised laugh escaped her lips, "Oh my goodness, so that's why I've never really heard her mad at you."- AU Swanqueen threeshot, cute and fluffy


**A/N- Just a cute three shot. AU**

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Emma was lying on her dorm bed, flat on her back. Her head leant off the edge and her blonde hair cascaded down almost to the floor. Her best friend Ruby was sitting cross-legged on the bed opposite her with a bag of cheese puffs in her lap.

"Ok, double or nothing." Ruby smirked, "Don't you dare move your head."

"I would never cheat."

"Sure, now don't move." Ruby took aim, and shot a cheese puff which soared across the dorm and landed squarely in Emma's open mouth. The cross legged girl fist pumped the air in victory.

During her victory dance, Ruby heard a knock on the door. She jumped off her bed to answer it while Emma just remained sprawled as she was, chewing on the cheese puff.

"Regina." The tall girl greeted, by now she was used to her roommate's girlfriend showing up, and she stood aside to let the visitor enter the dorm room.

Regina took one look at her girlfriend sprawled upside down on her bed, and rolled her eyes. She had learned in her years of dating Emma Swan that for all the amazing qualities the woman possessed, punctuality was not one of them, "I thought you were ready to go, darling."

"Just give me five seconds." Emma replied, jumping off her bed and beginning to rummage through a drawer for the sweater she had been planning to wear.

"I'll be waiting on the curb, my mother should be here to pick us up in ten minutes."

"Alright." Emma had the sweater on half way with only one arm through the proper hole as Regina turned to leave Emma to finish getting ready, "Hey, Gina." She called.

"Yes?"

"I love you." The blonde smiled, crossing the distance of the small dorm room to place a gentle kiss to her girlfriend's forehead. Trying to smooth out the worry lines there, she knew that Regina was stressing about the dinner with her mother, and she regretted making the worry worse by not being ready.

Regina allowed her a small smile, "I love you too." With that, she left the room, pausing just inside of the doorway, "And do put your hair up, or at least brush through it, darling."

Once the door shut behind her, Ruby let out a snicker, "Damn, Swan, you're whipped."

"Tell me about it." Emma laughed, struggling to get the sweater on the rest of the way.

"I don't know how you two do it though. You've been dating for what, three years?"

"Three and a half." The blonde was shimmying her way out of her yoga pants and into a pair of black slacks.

"Whatever, in all that time I've never heard you two fight."

"That's because Regina has a secret language."

"What?" Ruby asked through a mouth full of cheese puffs.

"Darling is a substitute."

"For what?"

"'For fuck's sake'."

The brunette bust out laughing, "Not even!"

"Yeah, replace 'darling' with 'for fuck's sake' in every sentence she used it in today."

Ruby was quiet for a moment, mentally revising everything she had just heard, until a surprised laugh escaped her lips, "Oh my goodness, so that's why I've never really heard her mad at you."

"Exactly." Just then, Emma's phone rang, and she answered it, pressing the speakerphone button so she could talk while she finished up her hair, "Hey, babe. What's up?"

"My mother's here, are you just about ready, darling?"

Emma raised an eyebrow at the brunette as if to say 'told you so' before replying, "Yes, I'm on my way down."

"I'll be waiting."

…

Regina pushed her sunglasses up from her nose to rest on top of her head, she squinted more closely at the map resting in her lap before looking back up at the road signs flying by.

"What exit do we need to take for the resort?" Emma asked, she had her window open, and her pony tail was whipping in the wind.

"It should be the next one." Regina replied through a slight frown. They were vacationing in Puerto Rico for their honeymoon, and Regina was trying to navigate based off the shaky directions they had received at the airport and their map in Portuguese.

"Should be?"

"Well, since this map is in a language I've never studied, yes. My confidence level is only at a 'should be' for now."

Emma smirked. She had been with Regina Mills for nearly eight years now, and she knew that her new wife was just still grumpy from their long flight.

The blonde took the next exit onto a much less busy local road.

"Then you're going to take a left." Regina said, readjusting in her seat to look straight out the window, seemingly having figured out the directions. She watched the landscape fly by, trying to relax into what she knew would be a great trip.

"Left, Emma."

"I know." The blonde smiled, shooting her wife a sideways look.

"No, Emma. Now, left!"

"There's no road!"

"Right there, left!" Regina pointed up ahead.

"That's not a turn!"

"Yes it is, go now!"

"No Regina-"

"Emma, left!"

The road went by, Emma missed the turn.

They sat in silence for a couple of seconds before Regina could hold her snark back no longer, "I said left, darling."

Emma slowed down and pulled a harsh u-turn, back tracking and taking the appropriate turn. Regina was sitting with her arms crossed over her chest, a slight pout on her face. Emma rolled her eyes and reached over, dropping her hand onto her new wife's thigh.

"I'm sorry, dear. You were right, I should have taken that turn."

Regina huffed a slight bit, "Yes you should have."

"I'll always listen to you driving directions from now on."

"Good." Regina said, slightly appeased. She took Emma's hand in her own and threaded their fingers together. She gave her wife a winning smile, "Our resort should be the next driveway on the right."

"Are you sure?" Emma smirked.

Regina rolled her eyes.

…

Emma was running in circles. Not literally, but figuratively as she bounced a babbling baby boy on her hip and trailed her wife through the house. In reality she wasn't running anywhere these days, in fact she was hardly upgraded to hobbling.

Emma had sprained her ankle a week prior falling out of a tree while trying to rescue a cat. The incident had brought on a fair amount of ribbing from the other members of the Storybrooke Sheriff's office, and the town as a whole truly. The incident had occured right in front of Granny's during lunch rush so there were very few people who hadn't witnessed or heard about it by now.

She was on bed rest, or as she called it 'House Arrest', until she was all healed up. The past few days were double duty for her as Henry had caught a cold and she was acting as his own personal nurse.

"How was my sweet boy today?" Regina asked, depositing her coat in the hall closet and spinning to fuss over their baby.

"Good, his fever finally broke this afternoon, and he's been napping on and off since." Emma said, gladly passing off the fussy kid to her wife.

"Thank goodness." Regina said, "We just might have our bed back to ourselves tonight."

Henry had been unable to sleep on his own while sick, but now the brunette was hopeful, "Don't jinx it." Emma warned.

Regina chuckled warmly, "How was the soup I left for lunch?"

"Perfect." Emma smiled, "Just like you."

The brunette dropped a kiss on her wife's lips at the smooth line and handed Henry back to her, "Aren't you just charming?"

"That's what they call me." Emma snarked. She took Henry back to their home for the day- a nest of blankets on a couch in front of the television- and plopped down.

"I'm thinking we order pizza for dinner." Regina suggested from the kitchen.

"I knew there was a reason I married you." Emma laughed from her blanket cocoon. Henry was snuggled against her chest, she didn't mean, to but moments after the two of them had gotten comfortably situated again she was drifting off to sleep.

She didn't hear when Regina let out a slightly annoyed sigh in the kitchen and called, "Darling, I asked you to take the trash out two days ago!"

Regina waited for a response, getting none she went to investigate. She stopped in the doorway when she saw her wife and son so adorably asleep. Emma looked so peaceful, and Regina noted the tired dark circles beneath her eyes. She knew that being housebound was difficult for Emma, and she decided to let them be.

She took the trash out herself and changed into comfortable clothes. She called in their pizza order and snuck onto the couch beside Emma.

The blonde was roused from her nap just enough to snuggle into Regina's warmth, resting her head on her wife's chest, "I love you." Emma murmured, her words nearly lost in Regina's shirt.

The mayor carded her fingers through Emma's hair, "I love you too, darling."

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 **A/N- Lemme know what you thought.**


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